He deserved to be hated.

I felt blindsided and embarrassed when I found out

I never suspected that there was something going on

I felt embarrassed for having been so deceived

I felt betrayed and stupid as things were revealed. How could I not have known anything.

I felt like my whole world had fallen apart.

But as time passed, I feel stronger than I ever have.

I have confidence in my beliefs, decision and myself

I’ve been through the hardest things but I have survived. It was hard but it didn’t kill me.

Forgiveness takes time.

August 18, 2010

1:37 am

its been so long...

im happy now..

We are happy.. I hope..

August 07, 2010

4:20 AM

It's been how many days since last time I posted something here..

I dont know if how should I feel or react to things happening at the moment.

There are times that i ignore him (which i cant believe i did, I have always wanted to hear from hear even a simple text), and there are times that everything seems fine..

I dont want to ask him, nor dont want to start talking about it..

Im confused, thought at some point I tell my friends what happened, although not everything.

And sometimes i just kep quiet. most of the time i am quiet.

quiet in a way that i dont talk about it, even something happened.

he's too difficult to read. and i dont know what he wants. again, i dont want to ask, especially serious questions as i never had serious answers.

should i just take this chance of being happy again w/o looking back at the past..

or should i confront him if the things that i wanted to ask, but i dont.. really... bec i am afraid of his answers..

what i feel right now is, he might be back with his ex gf.. but still doesnt want to let go of me..

or probably just want to mess around with me..

saw him on webcam thsi evening before i go to work.. and darn, it feels good to see him again even just on webcam.

How will it be when i see him in person?

I miss mu tutut..

July 30, 2010

1:40 Am

Sad shift..

the love of my life is out there not missing me at all..

Bev is not here to distract me..

so sad.. =(

July 29, 2010

4:12 Am

Yesterday, i didnt have the time to write here.. well just for the reason that I have nothing else to say but being hurt and missing him...

This morning, Jaime did it again..

He sent me a message asking me to watch a movie with him..

I was like.. WTF is wrong with you!!!!

Like you can just send me message whenever you like and then gone again???

I actually said no.. Not directly but somehow it was like that.. I really really want to see him...

But sometimes... I have to say no..

I still love him.. i miss my tutut..

July 27, 2010

5:27 Am

And why cant he just let me go....

like be gone and never come back..

='(

July 27, 2010

5:25 am

He sent me a message this morning..

asking me if I ate already..

I didnt waste any time to tell him about what i saw yesterday..

and he did not reply..

Im so stupid! why do i have to hurt myself over and over again..